What do the scholars of the Dīn and muftīs of the Sacred Law state regarding the following issue: What is the Islamic method of proposing to a woman for marriage? Can I directly propose to a woman asking her to marry me, or should I ask my parents to contact her parents? Is seeing a woman whom one wants to marry mentioned in Hadīth? Also, highlight the errors prevalent in this age.
Questioner: Abdullah, Manchester, UK
بسم اللہ الرحمن الرحیم
الجواب بعون الملک الوھاب اللھم ھدایۃ الحق والصواب
If a man wishes to marry a woman, it is better for him to ask his parents to contact the woman’s parents. If this is not possible, the man must convey the marriage proposal through someone reliable or through a message. This is known as khitbah in Arabic. It means a marriage proposal sent to a woman.
Glancing once upon a woman whom one wishes to marry is mentioned in Hadīth. It is narrated that Sayyidunā Mughīrah bin Shu’bah (may Allah be pleased with him) once decided to marry a certain woman.
“فَقَالَ النَّبِيُّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: ‘انْظُرْ إِلَيْهَا فَإِنَّهُ أَحْرَى أَنْ يُؤْدَمَ بَيْنَكُمَا'”
“So the Prophet ﷺ said to him, ‘Glance at her, as it will induce love between both of you.’”
[Sunan al-Tirmidhī, vol 2, pg 346, Hadīth no 1087]
However, this does not permit the couple to book a hotel room, spend time together and share their views, roam together in just the one car, have sittings over coffee or tea, have dinner meetings for several months, etc. Such sittings and meetings to fulfil one’s lowly desires are not permitted in the Pristine Sharī’ah.
واللہ تعالی اعلم ورسولہ اعلم صلی اللہ علیہ وآلہ وسلم
کتبہ ابو الحسن محمد قاسم ضیاء قادری
Answered by Mufti Qasim Zia al-Qadri
Translated by the SeekersPath Team
Read the original Urdu answer here – [Q-ID0334] Should I propose directly a woman for marriage or ask my parents to ask her parents?