I have been married 3 years. My mother and husband do not get along as a result of my mothers interference in our lives. I have followed my husbands wishes and stopped contact with my mother as a result. Am I doing the correct thing? As she is still my mother, I do not want to be a bad daughter but at the same time don’t want to be a bad wife. Please help me with an answer to my dilemma.
Allāh Most Sublime has said in Surah al-‘Ankaboot:
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حُسْنًا ۖ
And upon man We ordained kindness towards parents.
[Kanzul Eemaan 29:8]
According to Hakeem ul Ummat Mufti Ahmad Yar Khan Naeemi (qaddas Allāhu sirrah ul-Aziz) as mentioned in Nūr ul ‘Irfān this verse was revealed regarding Sayyiduna Sa’ad bin Abi Waqqas (radiyaAllāh anhu). He was extremely obedient to his mother. When he accepted faith his mother told him to give up Islām or she would not eat and drink nor sit in a place of shade. “I will die due to hunger and thirst and you will be responsible for my death.” Saying this, she gave up eating and drinking and sat in the heat. She remained like this for twenty-four hours in which time she became very weak. At this the son said “Oh mother even if you possessed hundred lives and you were to sacrifice all, one by one, I will still not give up my faith” When his mother became totally despondent, she resumed eating and drinking. In this verse, Allāh, Most Sublime, commands that the children execute parental rights even if they are infidels.
If Allāh, Most Merciful, through His Infinite Mercy has NOT commanded us to sever ties with our parents on account of their infidelity then it is unfounded for a wife to cut ties with her mother on behest of her husband.
Rather Allāh, Most Sublime has said in Surat Al-‘Isrā’:
وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا ۚ
And your Lord has ordained that you do not worship anyone except Him, and (that you) treat your parents with kindness.
[Kanzul Eemaan 17:23]
And Allāh, Most Sublime, has further commanded in Surat Luqmān 31:14:
وَوَصَّيْنَا الْإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْنًا عَلَىٰ وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ
And We ordained upon man concerning his parents; his mother bore him enduring weakness upon weakness, and his suckling is up to two years – therefore be thankful to Me and to your parents; finally towards Me is the return.
[Kanzul Eemaan 31:14]
Thus we see to maintain ties is a command of Allāh and in the hadith of the Prophet ﷺ we learn:
“There is no obedience for creation in any obedience which countenances disobedience to Allāh.”
It is necessary that you maintain ties with your mother and fulfil her rights albeit within limited spheres, irrespective of her disposition, this is something your husband must understand or be made to understand. Cutting ties cuts blessings.
And Allah knows best.
Answered by Ustadh Asid Shafait
Checked by Shaykh Naveed Jameel