I have a problem. I have some female traits/tendencies in me. So wherever I go I am teased. I sometimes feel like committing suicide. Is all this because of our sins? Help me out, tell me any action to perform.
Allāh Almighty says in the Qur’ān ul Kareem:-
لَقَدْ خَلَقْنَا الْإِنسَانَ فِي أَحْسَنِ تَقْوِيمٍ
“We have certainly created man in the best of stature.”
[Surat At-Tīn 95:4]
Whatever your height, gender and appearance, Allāh has created you in the best form. One of the blessings of Allāh is the diversity that exists within creation whereby no two people are the same. Being different from people is normal and you should not permit this difference or the words of people regarding it to become the cause of becoming embarrassed, feeling low or worse suicidal.
وَلَا تَقْتُلُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ بِكُمْ رَحِيمًا
“And do not kill yourselves. Indeed, Allāh is to you ever Merciful.”
[Surat An-Nisā’ 4:29]
Your existence is a blessing from Allāh, to contemplate suicide and destroy yourself is an offense against the gift of life that Allāh has blessed you with.
Feminine characteristics can exist within a person for a wide variety of reasons and it is necessary for a man to actively be a man and a woman to actively be a woman as the Prophet of Allāh صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم has cursed the masculine woman and the womanlike man:-
لَعَنَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صلى الله عليه وسلم الرَّجُلَ يَلْبَسُ لِبْسَةَ الْمَرْأَةِ وَالْمَرْأَةَ تَلْبَسُ لِبْسَةَ الرَّجُلِ
The messenger of Allāh صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم cursed the man who dressed like a woman and the woman who dressed like a man.
In order to successively become an ideal man, it is necessary that you know how to be a man and have a perfect man as a role model; someone who is viewed as a model example and can be imitated in all ways always.
For a Muslim, this role model should be no other than the beloved Messenger Muhammed صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم who perfected the character of man and was the embodiment of perfect manners and etiquettes.
Allāh Most High has said in the Qur’ān ul Kareem:-
لَقَدْ كَانَ لَكُمْ فِي رَسُولِ اللَّهِ أُسْوَةٌ حَسَنَةٌ لِّمَن كَانَ يَرْجُو اللَّهَ وَالْيَوْمَ الْآخِرَ وَذَكَرَ اللَّهَ كَثِيرًا
“You have indeed in the Messenger of Allah an excellent example for him who hopes in Allāh and the Last Day, and who remembers Allāh much.”
[Surat Al-‘Aĥzāb 33:21]
In this verse Allāh Most Sublime instructs the Muslims to follow the Prophet Muhammad صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم who was and is an embodiment of the great values and manners of the Holy Qur’ān. He gave the best example for mankind in the human history of how to attain success in every aspect of life.
The emasculation that has occurred in your life must be dealt with in two phases. The first phase is to assess and ascertain the cause of the loss of masculinity. Is it through a lack of positive affirmances, association, upbringing etc.? Once the cause has been established then we can attempt to reverse the affects by disassociating from them and implementing the second phase.
It is a commandment of Allāh towards the Muslims that they must follow the Prophet صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم in order to attain success. An individual who has feminine traits and a lack of masculine traits must make it even more so incumbent upon himself to adopt the characteristics of the Prophet of Allāh صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم.
You must study the seerah of the Prophet of Allāh صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم and the Shamaail and learn about his blessed sunnah and adopt it to the letter to become a successful man. Learn the method the Prophet of Allāh صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم talked, walked, sat, stood, laughed, ate, drank, slept and all other aspects of his blessed sunnah and implement these in your life. Through this and only this you will become a man who is honoured in the sight of Allāh, free from all defects known as a man of Allāh.
And Allāh knows best.
Answered by Ustadh Asid Shafait
Checked by Shaykh Naveed Jameel ash-Shaami